hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
