i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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