I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
