Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
