found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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