Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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