My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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