this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
