I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
