Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
