I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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