You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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