I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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