It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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