Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
