i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
