Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
