he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
