Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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