i think i have herpe
just one?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
