she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
