Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
