only you would photoshop your dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize