He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
