I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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