Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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