Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize