the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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