I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
