Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
