It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
