my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were trust falling into bushes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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