I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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