All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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