All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize