They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
