They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
