South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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