so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
