His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
