I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
