No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
