I seem to have left my pride at pride
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
