it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
