Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize