making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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