Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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