it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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