Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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