The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
