tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
