Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
