I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
