I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
