I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He did a backflip because drugs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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