The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
