you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
