i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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