Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
