If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
