the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
