if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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