Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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