Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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