you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
