we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
