I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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