***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
