girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
