Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
