Porn is love you can see.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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