It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize