We won't sleep together?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
