absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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