the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
