Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize