Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
