Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
