Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
